Let me guess. If you are a successful woman, in the past, you’ve been told you’re too abrasive, too direct, maybe even too assertive. Too much. See The One Word Men Never See In Their Performance Reviews.
Here’s the problem. You might be.
I was.
But never in the “examples” my bosses provided. The “examples” they provided were the ones when I advocated for my staff. The ones where I made my managers uncomfortable. The examples, where, if I had different anatomy, they would have relaxed afterwards, and we’d gone out for a beer.
But we didn’t.
Because my bosses could never get over the fact that I was a woman, and “women didn’t act this way.” Now, this was more than 20 years ago. (I’ve been a consultant for 20 years.) But, based on the Fast Company article, it doesn’t seem like enough culture has changed.
Middle and senior managers, here’s the deal: At work, you want your managers to advocate for their people. You want this. This is a form of problem-solving. Your first-line and middle managers see a problem. If they don’t have the entire context, explain the context to them. Now, does that change anything?
If it does, you, senior or middle manager, have been derelict in your management responsibility. Your first-line manager might have been able to solve the problem with his/her staff without being abrasive if you had explained the context earlier. Maybe you need to have more one-on-ones. Maybe all your first-line managers could have solved this problem in your staff meeting, as a cross-functional team. Are you canceling one-on-ones or canceling problem-solving meetings? Don’t do that.
Do you have a first-line manager who doesn’t want to be a manager? Maybe you fell prey to the myth of promoting the best technical person into a management position. You are not alone. Find someone who wants to work with people, and ask that person to try management.
We all need feedback. Managers need feedback, too. Because managers leverage the work of others, they need feedback even more than technical people.
If you think a manager on your management team is “too” abrasive or assertive,” ask yourself, is this person female? Then ask yourself, “Would I say the same thing if this person looked as if she could be a large sports figure, male attributes and all?”
You see, the fact that I have the physical attributes of a short, kind-of cute woman has not bothered me one bit. I feel seven feet tall. I often act like it. I am not afraid to take chances or calculated risks. I am not afraid to talk to anyone in the organization about anything. How else would I accomplish the work that needs to be done? (You may have noticed that I write tall, too.)
Abrasive and assertive are code words for fearless problem solvers. Don’t penalize the women—or the men—in your organization who are fearless problem solvers.
